1) You'll never walk alone.
Now to borrow a phrase-to be fair, she is pretty good about me walking away, considering the fact that I've been quite the orangutan mommy (more on that later-just picture a mommy holding her baby all the time), but the fact remains that she wants me by her side, at all times. She's even started reaching for my hand as opposed to always wanting to be picked up, in an attempt to keep playing where she is, but still be in contact. It is in turn a lovely, bonding, ego-boosting thing, this clinging, and a phase that makes it nearly impossible to get things done. Okay, I admit it...this section was just to explain to Josh why we had pasta roni last night instead of, y'know, a less boxed, more elaborate dinner;)
2) You will talk to your child like they are an adult.
I don't just mean saying things like "Oh Nicholas, how you DO go on!". I mean that at some point, you will turn to your baby who is fussing and say something like "Can you not? For like, a minute? Can you just not?" I mean...I've heard. I've never..done...that...
I've totally done that. Our Penelope is an incredibly easy baby, and we are not prepared at all for what a difficult or even particularly fussy baby is like, but yeah...there have been a few times when the "eh, eh, eh, eh" sound starts to grate, and I've turned to her and actually said "Can you just not?". Of course, this serves a very important purpose. The moment I heard myself say it, and saw her blank "But eh though, Mommy.", stare, I was reminded how much she really doesn't understand yet, and how point...and the pressure valve is released, and we can start over. Saying "You're a baby, you're a baby" out loud helps too-reminding yourself that they absolutely in no way whatsoever can help or change what they're doing, makes it easier.
3) You're probably not going to "sleep when the baby sleeps".
I understand that this it's important, if not essential, to get rest and sleep when you can. But here's the thing...it is also important that I eat, shower, go to the bathroom, load/empty the dishwasher, wash the bottles, wipe down toys, make dinner, make phone calls, FINALLY PUT THE LAUNDRY AWAY INSTEAD OF GETTING DRESSED OUT OF A BAG/OFF THE DRESSER, organize the diaper bag, and a million little things that go about a billion times easier when the little Chicken is curled up sleeping. <3
There certainly are times when I've laid down because she was asleep, and those little naps are delicious-but equally valuable, and essential, are those things that I stay awake to do, even when sometimes those things are eat nachos and watch My Strange Addiction on Netflix. We parents need to remember that alone time, and zone out grownup time can be just as rejuvenating in some circumstances, and we should rejoice in it:)
4) It is really, really hard not to compare and compete with other parents.
Every week, I get an email from a baby website that gives me a synopsis on where Penelope should vaguely be, developmentally. We've been getting them since the pregnancy, and they're very useful, and a good time. The scary place though, is in the forums; in that place where the other mommies talk about where THEIR baby is, developmentally, in comparison to all the other babies. The comments range from the worried ("Why doesn't he have teeth yet?!) to the adoring ("He is such a joy"), to the hyper competitive ("Well, our little prince has 8 teeth, he's been rolling over for MONTHS now, and he's not even applying to a safety school!")
As much as I laugh at those entries though, it's hard not to go to that place, and I'm not sure how much we should fight it. Why shouldn't we secretly feel extra proud of our babies for doing things all babies do, just because it's a little early? Why isn't it something to be proud of, that Penelope has two teeth when some babies have none, and also she hardly cries when she gets shots, as opposed to the kids we hear who cry for whole minutes, and she LIKES vegetables an-see? We walk a line between just being proud parents and competitors, and damn it if that's not a hard line to walk. Still, I'd much rather compare in her favor, than end up doing what all kids despise-the hated "Oh but (insert friend's name) got an A, so it's not like the teacher doesn't give them, so what happened?" From the outside, it's a ridiculous habit, but from the inside, it's coming from that place of fierce love-and yes, your baby IS the first to ever do that thing all babies do, and yes, they are better at it than any baby ever.
5) Your relationships will change.
It's fairly to be expected, that the relationship you have with your partner will change once Baby is born, but what I didn't truly anticipate, was how much my other relationships would change. This has ranged from from the very good with my mother-in-law (it takes me a while to feel truly close to someone, and having Penelope made it simpler and easier for me to do that faster with her, for which I will always be grateful), or the reconnection with an old and dear friend, to the not-so-good, as with the disconnect with other friends who, due to distance and being Mommy, I just don't see or talk to as often as I used to.
The fact is, when you have a baby (particularly during a time in your life when most of your peers don't have babies yet), maintaining your old dynamic with the people in your life becomes almost impossible. This can be a good thing; a shift in priorities can lead to letting go of old grudges, hurt feelings, and shyness. But it can also mean that you won't have as much in common with them anymore, and you may find that some people pull away, making you feel a bit like...they've moved on from the friendship. It's usually not something they or you is doing on purpose, but there are those in your life who won't come around, and will move on, just as there are those in your life who you will realize..you may not have room for anymore. This can hurt-a lot.
As a mommy, I've had to make sure that I'm not forgetting that just because my life has changed, it doesn't mean that friends don't still need to have those long talks about boyfriend drama, and crazy hookup stories, because it's easy to get tunnel vision as a new Mom, but when you do take a breath and look around, you don't want to have forgotten your people so much that they're gone. Except sometimes, they will be gone. You will and should have a shift in what you will be mainly focused on, at least for a while, and there will be those in your life who have no interest in being a part of that. So be it. Let them go.
Trust me, there will be other more patient people who will get on that ride with you, pretend it's not silly when you weep on the phone (thank you, Nidhi!), look your baby in the eye and greet her every time they come over (thank you, Uncle Judd!), and make you understand, with all the little things they might not even know matter, that they are there, they're in, and they're not going anywhere.
Well, I started to babble a bit, didn't I? What I was taking a looong time to get said, was basically that, yes, life changes drastically when you have a baby, in funny, sweet, tiring, tiny, huge ways, but that it's all for a good reason, and at the very least, it's an adventure!
It's fairly to be expected, that the relationship you have with your partner will change once Baby is born, but what I didn't truly anticipate, was how much my other relationships would change. This has ranged from from the very good with my mother-in-law (it takes me a while to feel truly close to someone, and having Penelope made it simpler and easier for me to do that faster with her, for which I will always be grateful), or the reconnection with an old and dear friend, to the not-so-good, as with the disconnect with other friends who, due to distance and being Mommy, I just don't see or talk to as often as I used to.
The fact is, when you have a baby (particularly during a time in your life when most of your peers don't have babies yet), maintaining your old dynamic with the people in your life becomes almost impossible. This can be a good thing; a shift in priorities can lead to letting go of old grudges, hurt feelings, and shyness. But it can also mean that you won't have as much in common with them anymore, and you may find that some people pull away, making you feel a bit like...they've moved on from the friendship. It's usually not something they or you is doing on purpose, but there are those in your life who won't come around, and will move on, just as there are those in your life who you will realize..you may not have room for anymore. This can hurt-a lot.
As a mommy, I've had to make sure that I'm not forgetting that just because my life has changed, it doesn't mean that friends don't still need to have those long talks about boyfriend drama, and crazy hookup stories, because it's easy to get tunnel vision as a new Mom, but when you do take a breath and look around, you don't want to have forgotten your people so much that they're gone. Except sometimes, they will be gone. You will and should have a shift in what you will be mainly focused on, at least for a while, and there will be those in your life who have no interest in being a part of that. So be it. Let them go.
Well, I started to babble a bit, didn't I? What I was taking a looong time to get said, was basically that, yes, life changes drastically when you have a baby, in funny, sweet, tiring, tiny, huge ways, but that it's all for a good reason, and at the very least, it's an adventure!
