Month 8 aka Ow, My Dignity.

       "You're glowing!"
       "You look beautiful!"
       "It's such a feminine, womanly thing!"
       

       Before becoming pregnant, I'd heard these things said to and about pregnant woman who were in the later stages of their pregnancies, all round and such, and as an outsider, I was skeptical but intrigued-does pregnancy really feel like a magical, womanly, maternal and somehow voluptuous and sexy experience? I cannot and will not speak for every Mommy-to-be, but let me say this: speaking purely for myself, pregnancy around the time of month 8 (where we are right now) feels a lot more like this:

 

or this:

-than it does like a mystical experience wherein you understand your body and your partner and yourself in a whole new and deep way, and I say that as a girl who's incredibly happy to be having a baby, and has wanted one for a very long time. It feels-sorry girl power-Really. Freaking. Fat. Let us explore the stages of the I find myself going through on a daily basis, as an ever growing pregnant lady:

1) Good morning, sunshine!
     -Ah yes-time to get up. My brain is telling me that I have to go to the bathroom RIGHT FREAKING NOW, but also that I'm sore all over and should therefore take my time getting up. That's not to mention the fact that my expanding girth makes rising a challenge anyway, which causes me to essentially have to roll this way and that, making very old man noises all the while, until I can toss myself upwards and into a standing position, wherein I will use the walls to creep my way to the bathroom. Excellent. Did I do it without waking/alarming Josh? Ten points!

2) Feeding/Walking my son.
    -I should stop and make sure that you all understand that this is my son:

    -Moving on! He wants to be walked and then fed, so after I have struggled to put clothes on, and thoroughly winded myself by leaning over to clip on his leash, we're off. That is, after I've epically fought my coat zipper, sweet talking it into not breaking, and to please withstand the belly, just for a little while longer. We're outside, we're walking, and so long as I keep the bending to a minimum, I'm ok...then it's back up a few steps, and it's time to eat! I huff and puff to put his filled dish on the floor, and then it's time to rest. Up until recently, this has so routinely included a nap, that Charlie temporarily took up the habit of coming out to the living room and gesturing towards the bedroom with his head-"Mommy-time to lay down!"

3)  Nom, nom, nom.
     -For at least the second time of the day, I'm starving! I probably have had several huuuuge glasses of milk by this point, and if Josh was home at breakfast time, some scrambled/fried eggs, grits, and English muffins, but either way, it's time to eat again. Looks like somebody has an unholy craving for a pile of chips with semi-melted cheese on top. If I'm feeling trashy, I might drink some soda with my prenatal vitamin, water if I'm feeling responsible, and milk if that awesome morning sickness has reared it's loving head. One of the many upsides to my little Charlie, is I can always claim when Josh gets home that the dog ate all the cheese...he doesn't believe it, and he doesn't care, but it makes me feel less like an overfilled Ziploc bag of pudding.

(P.S. For some reason, chocolate pudding makes me feel super ill. Not the point...)

4) Crying without the spilt milk.

   -An important thing to remember is that interspersed with all of this are the very random and nonsensical crying jags. The following is a quick list of reasons why I've cried over the last few days:

    -Charlie looked at me.
    -I had trouble taking my hoodie off while laying down and Josh had to help me.
    -I talked to my Mom and she didn't ask how I was feeling.
    -I have a stuffy nose.
    -My little brother hurt my feelings.

  

  -I could go on, but it....might....make me...y'know.

5)  Daytime activities.
   -This includes trips to Stewarts, the grocery store, baby classes, etc. We can move through this swiftly, which is distinctly unlike the way I move through the aforementioned activities, unless quickly means wobbling-ly and with occasional "You need to wait for me!"s if the person I'm walking around with happens to speed up to a normal pace.

6) Bedtime.
    -Usually this includes collapsing onto my pillow between Josh and Charlie and falling asleep far faster than I thought I would (quick note, if you lay down in bed with a book or your phone in your hand, you will eventually drop it on your face. Hard.)

7) Second Bedtime.
    -Surprise! You thought I thought I was going to sleep all night, didn't you? But I need to go to the bathroom again, and apply lotion, because I'm of course incredibly itchy. Then I realize how anxious I am (oh look, it's freaking NOTHING!) over being awake, so I have some snacks (probably more cheese) and glasses of milk and search the Internet for hilarious pictures and articles until I start to collapse, and head back to bed, Charlie having snuggled up to Josh in my spot.

    Wow...that all seems super bitter-Josh, you were right! The thing you have to know is that yes, month 8 sucks for a lot of reasons, but I know that within the next 5 weeks, we will have a little baby to love, and I'm so excited to be a Mommy, and to watch Josh be a Daddy. I will not miss being pregnant, but I will always remember the unbelievably exciting realization that we made a little person, and my body actually housed and nurtured her for 3 quarters of a year...and that is not a feeling I'd want to have skipped.

...Man, I'm hungry again.